My consultant called the day previous to the meeting saying that he may not be able to attend the transition meeting due to a mix up with the dates and as a result had alternative commitments to attend.
The understanding that I had was that one was not to be present at this particular meeting, and so I was rather shocked when I received a phone call to say that I was being waited for. What shocked me even further as that no representative from adult services had turned up for the scheduled meeting either. Not the ideal start to a ‘smooth’ transition. I must say that I was grateful that my consultant did manage to attend the meeting.
Upon my arrival, I was informed that a member of staff from adult services was to be arriving as requested by my current CPN. As the base for adult services is only 100 metres or so from the CAMHS service, the waiting time was of no significant length.
Deep rooted fears arose when my story/history was expelled in front of me as a result of no prior preparation by adult services. I sat there whilst I was spoken about in third person; a rather peculiar experience is all I can describe it as. I guess that’s the way had to be, considering I’m not one for ruminating aloud.
The experience was daunting. I feel as though I am a bird, about to leave the nest and test my wings for real in the big, wide world. I’m just not sure if they are repaired or adequately grown for such important events. I may set flight and come crashing down to earth – then I’ll have no way back into that nest of safety. Just like turning 18 and becoming an ‘adult’, I won’t be able to turn back to aged 17 and be considered as a ‘child’.
Despite all this, time continues to tick and my transition looms closer and closer.
CAMHS has given me reassurance that I won’t be dropped in at the deep end. The supply of a metaphorical parachute strapped to my back was how the process was described. And although only a small metaphorical gesture was given, I believe them. Trust however, is of weakness.
I am yet to meet my actual key worker from adult services. One again is clouded by an air of uncertainty because I don’t know when, where or who my future support is assigned to.
Time will tell and as ever that’s doing its job ever so ‘ticking-ly’.
Are my wings and I ready?